Everyday I sit here waiting for you to come… I spend every minute of everyday thinking about you… I know that we might not ever be able to be together…… But that doesn’t mean I can’t try to make it happen.  Maybe if I’m with you then I won’t have that unhappiness in my heart anymore… I always try to convince myself that it’s not there…… But it’s there.  Making everyday a living nightmare……………

I try to say to myself that tomorrow will be better but I know that everyday will just get worse and worse…… And I was right.  Everyday is getting harder…. Each and everyday it gets harder to deal with all the pain.  Everyday the pain gets stronger and stronger, and I get weaker and weaker…… 

It feels like there is this monster inside of me trying to make me kill myself……  It feels like that monster inside me is getting stronger with all the unhappiness and anger that I feel…… And every single time that thing gets stronger, my real self gets weaker and weaker……. I don’t know how much longer I can keep it up…………